Still On My Weight Loss Journey

The picture of me on the left is when I was 17. This was before I got pregnant with my first child, my son. The picture of me on the right is me now... 7 years and 2 kids later. In 2005, I was 150lbs. I'm currently 212lbs. and I seem to still be gaining.

I am so angry with myself. I can not believe I let myself get to weight I am. I don't hate myself...I love myself enough to start trying to change again. I'm not sure why but it's very difficult for me. I can't just *stop* eating like an alcoholic can just *stop* drinking. I need food to live. So I'm starting to realize that it's the TYPES of food and the AMOUNT of food I need to change. This is very difficult for me because I'm such a HUGE choco-holic.

I've been failing myself. I feel like I'm failing every single day. Every night I go to bed and I tell myself "tomorrow will be different". I wake up in the morning, have a high protein low carb breakfast, but then something happens. I get this craving to eat chocolate. Maybe it's the salt in the bacon, but whatever it is, I'm determined to find a way to curb this craving. If you have any tips, they would be helpful. :)

I wanna be able to run around with my kids more. I mean, I play and run with them, but not as much as I'd like too. I can't run as fast as I used to and it really upsets me.

I wanna be sexy for my husband. Our marriage is fine but this is something I wanna do for him. We both deserve to enjoy my body. I'd love to be able to fit into a sexy piece of lingerie. I'd also like to wear dresses more often. I've really grown to love them and I'd like to look good wearing one without having to squeeze into a girdle that hurts my stomach.

My plan is to continue with this Low-Carb-High-Protein diet that I was doing before but to substitute lunch with a Slim Fast. My snacks can be bananas and apples. I love fruit! I just need to buy more of it when we go grocery shopping. I will also have ONE day a week to cheat and eat whatever I want.

I have only one big consistent problem... keeping my motivation. I have this motivation for about a month, and then all of a sudden, it diminishes. This time around, I'm hoping to blog whenever I need to so I can keep this motivation up.

Being A Stay At Home Mom

I always hear people say that being a stay at home mom is easy. That I get to relax all day. That I'm lazy. I don't do anything. That they wish they could be a stay at home mom. While I DO love being a stay at home mom because I get to raise my kids myself and I'm not missing any milestones or a photo-op, it is still my JOB.

My husband works full-time, Monday - Friday. He brings in the paycheck. That is HIS job. Everyone always sees this type of work as a JOB. My husband's job is acceptable in the "working community". But being a stay at home mom isn't. Because I'm at home, it's not seen as work. 

Our work hours are different. He works 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I work 16-18 hours a day, 7 days a week. I DO have to sleep...

Since no one seems to think I do anything at my JOB, I've taken the liberty to write down every single thing I did for one day. NOTHING has been added or left out. I hope after this, you'll see that being a stay at home mom is MUCH harder than it seems...

I went to bed at 12 Midnight...
My Day

5:12am - I wake up, I need to pee
5:25am - Husband opens bedroom door loudly, jolting me from my just accumulated sleep.

7:00am - Officially Wake up & get dressed

7:10am - Make breakfast(cereal) for my 5 year old son
7:15am - Make my sons lunch for school

7:19am - Repeatedly tell my son to stop messing with my keys & to eat breakfast

7:25am - Help my son brush his teeth & hair. Get his clothes for him. Brush MY teeth
7:32am - Make coffee
7:44am - Realize my husband forgot quarters for laundry in the car...I had asked him the night before to bring them upstairs.

7:45am - Pour my coffee in my to-go cup

7:46am - Leave to take my son to Kindergarten(I bring the stroller down our flight of stairs, go back upstairs, grab my 18mo. old daughter from sleep, walk down stairs with coffee and baby in arms. Get her in the stroller with some Cheerios and we're off!)

8:00am - Drop him off at school, walk back home

8:34am - Arrive back home(bring daughter upstairs, then go back down to bring up the stroller)
8:35am - Potty #2 for me! (After 2 minutes, my daughter barges in a demands to be breastfed. Lasts about 5 minutes. Then I look up SAHM photos on my phone[like the one u see up top]. I hear baby playing with my phone charger in the next room. I call her name 10 times, she doesn't come. I say "Boob?" and she'll come for that! I get up but as I do, I have to prevent my daughter from dropping the phone in the toilet.
8:50am - Done with my potty time.

8:53am - I finally change her 1st diaper of the day and clothe her. As I do this, I miss a call about my sons dentist appointment.

9:00am - I eat a bowl of cereal & give my daughter her own little bowl

9:15am - Clean cereal mess that she made

9:20am - Breastfeed for 10 minutes

9:35am - Get her strawberries for a snack

9:41am - Abandons strawberries for GoldFish
9:45am - I finish uploading some pix of a birthday party to Facebook on my phone(during this time she climbs all over me, I get her a Go-gurt snack, she takes apart my wallet and my cards and money are everywhere, grabs the phone from me repeatedly, I read her 3 books multiple times)

11:30am - Finally done with uploading photos & I can't seem to keep my eyes open -_-
12:00pm - I go downstairs to get quarters from the car

12:04pm - Organize laundry. Baby bumps her head. She sits on my lap and "helps" me sort clothes.
12:16pm - Go downstairs to put in 2 loads of laundry(we only have 2 washers and 2 dryers in our side of the apartment complex) 

12:20pm - Come upstairs, START cleaning dishes & kitchen

12:25pm - I hear "Uh OH!" She has spilled water on the carpet, all over herself, and up her nose.

12:39pm - Stop dishes. Mailman at the door with package.

12:40pm - Put chicken nuggets in oven for baby girl

12:42pm - Continue dishes.

12:44pm - Stop dishes again, she wants me to open a Go-gurt for her
12:50pm - Finish dishes, give baby girl her nuggets, go downstairs to wash a 3rd load of laundry. Put first 2 loads in dryer.

1:00pm - Leave home to get son from school(repeat stroller down stairs)

1:20pm - Pick up son, let him play for 5-10 minutes at school yard. Had to break up an argument between him and a friend of his.

1:42pm - Get back home from our walk from school (repeat stroller & baby upstairs)

1:45pm - Get 2 loads of laundry from the dryer, put 3rd load into dryer.

1:53pm - Come back upstairs

1:55pm - What's for lunch? Shrimp Stir Fry!

2:05pm - Change baby girl diaper & put down for a nap

2:15pm - Continue cooking lunch, chopping veggies...

2:21pm - Get son to nap...baby girl is still awake

2:22pm - Back to cooking

2:30pm - Husband if off work and on his way home. I decide to finally make the bed and clean the living room so HE can have a clean home.

2:40pm - Go downstairs to get 3rd load of laundry

2:45pm - Back upstairs with 3rd load and I plate my lunch

2:51pm - Sit down for lunch & go through mail

3:10pm - Husband gets home from works. Right away he wants me to call our sons dentist

3:20pm - I watch a talk show called Anderson. A little break :)

3:45pm - Husband gets mad about the day(s) of our sons movie shoot(It's during the weekday and he's mad that he may have to take the day off work to take us)

3:55pm - I reschedule dentist appointment for our son

4:00pm - I shower. (Both kids come in & out of the bathroom to pee, poop, see me, ask me questions...all the things you can think of, while I try to relax for an hour.

4:55pm - Out of shower

5:00pm - Get dressed. Baby girl is with me and wants me to read her another book.

5:05pm - Breastfeed baby girl, Change diaper, do my make-up. Baby girl takes my make-up and makes a mess.

5:50pm - Make sure diaper bag is ready to go

6:00pm - Make a quick trip to the mall with the whole family.

7:50pm - Get back home

7:53pm - Get baby girl a yogurt. 

 After this, I would usually fold all the laundry, but this night the hubby wanted to watch a movie and have some wine together. I DID NOT oppose, but I did consider watching this movie and folding clothes at the same time. That wouldn't have been much fun for either of us. So I waiting until the next day to fold the laundry. FYI, Laundry is my LEAST favorite chore. Ugh....

I should mention though, that during our movie, we had to STOP the movie about 4-5 times because the kids either needed us to get something, open something, needed food... I got the kids to sleep at about 9:30pm. That included me helping BOTH kids brush their teeth, get dressed in PJ's, my husband read our son a story while I sang to our daughter to relax her. After getting them to bed, I was finally able to enjoy the short amount of time I had to spend alone with my husband.

During the writing of this blog, I was taken away multiple times my diaper changes, cleaning, kids bumping heads, bathroom breaks, making dinner, etc... baby girl was on my lap trying to bang on the keyboard for half the time I was typing this all up.

*And now my daughter bumps her lip in the living room, I comfort her, and she is on my lap again as I type this*

I really hope that this has opened some peoples eyes into the life of a stay at home mom (SAHM). This IS only one day in my life. Sometimes we're gone all day visiting family so those days will be different. Sometimes I take walk the kids to the park after their naps...but this is a common enough day for me to write about. 

Remember to appreciate all SAHM that you know. They work their asses off! Treat them with love and respect the WORK they do. Our jobs as mothers never end. We can't quit. We can't apply for another family. We're stuck with the ones we have, and even though it can get REALLY rough at times, we all love being with our kids. 

Invisible Children vs. Susan G. Komen

The reason I chose to compare the charity organization Invisible Children (the guys behind the viral video Kony 2012) against Susan G. Komen is because recently a lot of people were outraged about the breast cancer charity when they decided to pull funds from Planned parenthood. Then the people fell in love with the charity when they found out the CEO would resume funding a few days later.

First, if you haven't seen the Kony 2012 video yet, go here.... http://m.youtube.com/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DY4MnpzG5Sqc&v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc&gl=US

Okay, so I have a lot of friends who support IC and Kony 2012, but I have some who are either skeptical or completely against IC. These friends post blogs of peoples opinions and "facts" that are against Kony 2012, but these blogs fail to cite where they get their information from... They are a lot of opinions really.

Im here to put out the facts. I will tell you now that I am getting my facts on these two charities from CharityNavigator.com. A credible source.

First lets start with Salarys of the Founders of Invisible Children and Susan G. Komen. IC co founders Jason Russel and Laren Poole make a combined salary of about $180,000 a year. JASON makes $89,000 a year while LAREN makes $84,000 a year. Susan G Komen founder Nancy Brinker makes $417,000 a year alone! That's nearly half a Million dollars a year! Let's also mention that the IC is in San Diego, CA while Komen is in Dalas, TX. Everyone knows that the cost of living in California is MUCH higher than in Texas. The average cost of a house in California is $580,000 while the average cost of a house in Texas is $276,000(trulia.com). Raising a family is very expensive and as you can see here, raising a family for Nancy Brinker will be much easier than for Jason Russel.

IC currently has 3 out of 4 stars on charitynavigator.com. Komen has 4 out of 4. These are based on opinions of people like you and me. Sort of like Yelp! Have you ever been to an amazing restaurant, go on Yelp to review it but then see some bad reviews and wonder 'what the hell is wrong with that guy'? Yeah, this COULD be the issue with why IC. Even though 3 out of 4 is not bad at all, it doesn't surpass Komen. But how many reviews are actually for each organization? Komen has 645 and IC has only 29. We need to give IC a little while longer to get a decent rating from them.

IC started in 2003 and Komen started in 1982.

IC has 80.5% of their donations go to their cause while Komen has 82.5% go to theirs. Both very good

Another thing I keep hearing is that the IC uses all their money for their film making. This is untrue. As I've previously stated that over 80% goes to their cause, they spend only 3.2% of their donations on advertisings. Komen spends over 9%. Komen spends 3 times more on "their film making" than IC does. I guess all those TV commercials you see 5 times a day can get pretty expensive

My Opinions

I think Invisible Children is a great organization. I don't think a lot of people REALLY watched the Kony 2012 video. Some are claiming things about the video that are just untrue. A lot of people don't understand that the videos purpose was to get Joseph Kony "famous". It was a different way to get your attention about evils that are happening in our world, and guess what? It worked. Weather or not you agree with Kony2012 or Invisible Children, THEY still got you talking about the issues in Africa...didn't they?

No one deserves this kind of treatment. NO BODY! Okay, maybe Kony himself, but only for him to know what it feels like to have your face and body disfigured....

People say that the video simfies the issue in Africa. Think about it tho...that's a good thing. Have you ever donated money to help abused animals after Sarah McClauchan made you feel like shit on her sad ass commercials? Did you "share" that commercial on Facebook? Most likely not. But IC got you talking about the issue and got you really thinking about it.

 

If you don't wanna support IC or Kony 2012, then don't. You have your freedom of opinion. But don't preach about problems in the US and diss what IC is trying to do in Africa if you aren't gonna help either country.

My main point: look the FACTS before you support or oppose a cause. Any cause. This is worth looking into.

Weight Loss Mission: Current Weight, Goals, and Food

So it's been a week since I started weight watchers again. It's been a good week. Not great, but that's my fault. I'm still happy :)

I started last week at 195lbs and now im 192!!!! Yes, I gained weight during the holidays (15lbs) but who didn't :-P And on Thursday I weighed myself and I had lost 4lbs since Monday, but I had 2 home made burritos on Friday instead of one, and McD's out of hunger desperation on Saturday night :-S So that's why this is a good week, but not a GREAT week. But this week will be better!

So, everyone has been asking me what exactly do I eat to lose the weight. I can eat pretty much anything I want, but Weight Watchers isn't about dieting, its about learning portion control and eating healthier...getting away from the fast food and processed crap. But I have a pic of what I eat for breakfast...

This is my breakfast pretty much every morning. 3 Egg whites loaded with spinach & mushrooms(1 point), half a banana(1 point), 2 pieces of whole grain HIGH FIBER toast with margarine(4 points). The more fiber a food has, the lower in points it will be. Most slices of bread are 2 points but the one I have it 80 calories a slice and has 5g of fiber. You can eat as many veggies as you want! No points! You can season your food how ever you want so your food is always flavorful.

I hope to loose more weight this week...my GOAL weight is 145. I got 42 more pounds to go!!!!

Weight Loss Mission: RESTART!

Today is the day that I restart my weight watchers weight loss mission. I am on a mission to get down to a size 6. But more importantly, I want to be completely happy with myself and I want to set a good health example for my kids.


To restart today, I weighed myself and I am 188lbs. That means I've gained 8lbs. during this holiday season. But that's okay because I still am beautiful and I'm healthy and I'm on a mission to lose it!

I love myself enough to not let my weight dictate who I am and how happy I can let myself be.

I WAS 200lbs. when I first started this whole journey, so I am still proud to say that I will NEVER see that number on a scale again.

I hope to lose 5lbs. in 2 weeks. And hopefully by Christmas 2012, I will be a brand new me!

Wish me luck! ^_^

Birth and Baby Fair in San Francisco!

Hello Everyone!

On Saturday June 25, 2011, I had the privilege to go to the Birth and Baby Fair in San Francisco's Fort Mason Center in the Marina District. When we went, the first 150 families got free bags of coupons and free stuff. 

What mom doesn't like FREE diapers?!

One awesome thing I noticed when we walked in was the changing table by the bathrooms. They had compostable diapers from sizes 1 - 6 for parents to use when changing their kid. I LOVED THEM! Cloth diapers are almost impossible for us right now because we live in an apartment and don't have our own washer and dryer, so these diapers seemed to be a GREAT fit for a family like us. 

I also pre-signed up for a workshop; Baby Sign-Language. The gentleman was very humorous. Not only did I learn a few simple signs such as "milk", "airplane", "poop", "more", and "food"... I also learned "margarita" and "horny"! LOL! He made the workshop so much fun. Other workshops include meet the doulas, baby sign language, vaccines, going green with baby, cloth diapering, baby wearing/slings and things, making your own baby food, pre and post natal yoga, and breastfeeding.

There are lots of activities for kids. My son and daughter did finger painting with all natural and edible paints. My daughter was 6 months old at the time and I didn't have to worry about her eating it. They also had face painting which my son LOVED! He got a Batman face... haha.

There was also a photographer there that was taking pictures for a contest. It was to win a free photo shoot from her. Her company is called STINKIEPANTZ PRODUCTIONS. So many people voted for the photos that she gave out extra prizes! My kids and I won $50 off a family photo session. I can't wait! To see her work, go to http://www.stinkiepantz.com/

There are also free prizes you can win from strollers to photo sessions to clothing and toys! It's a great place!

You can buy tickets from the link below:

http://birthandbabyfair.ticketleap.com/t/YMD/

I get $2 of every ticket sold so please tell your friends to buy from me as well!!! :)

Hope to see you there on Sunday October 2nd! (10am - 4pm)

Weight Loss Mission: LOTS OF WALKING!

So with my son starting school on Monday (August 29th, 2011), I have to do a LOT of walking to get him to school. It's not really a far walk, but when I looked up the mileage, it's a pretty good distance to be walking everyday.

So from my home to his school, it's 0.4 miles. That's a total of 0.8 miles for me to take him to school. Then I have to pick him up, so that's another 0.8 mile round trip for me. In total, I'm walking 1.6 miles everyday! Today I took a little extra walk to Starbucks near my apartment and that added an extra 0.6 miles onto my walking today! W00t W00t!

I've just weighed myself and I'm down a total of 14lbs! I'm currently 186lbs. and that means I'm down 2 pounds in 3 days! It's amazing what walking can really do for weight loss.

Not to mention I feel SO much healthier now that I'm walking a lot. Walking has always been my favorite form of exercise but I honestly haven't done as much as I would have liked to in the past. (This next part may be a little too much for some, but we're all adults here right? We've all dealt with this...) I've also noticed that I'm not so constipated anymore. I always felt bloated and whatnot, and I DO KNOW that walking does help with that, but I didn't know it could be so fast or THAT good! LOL!

I just feel GREAT over all... physically and emotionally. I have the support and love from the people I care about most and that's the best.

Weight Loss Mission: 12 Gone. 38 To Go!

So I know I haven't written in a while, but that's because nothing interesting has truly happened.

My weight is still going DOWN, but it's very slow. I guess after you loose the first 10 pounds, you kinda level off. LOL. But it's okay. I'm down 12 pounds all together!

My sister-in-law said she could send me some running shoes and once that happens, I can start running! :) I've been wanting to for a while but I don't have anything close to shoes I can run in.

Anyone know anyone who goes jogging in flip-flops or wedges?

Lets hope that I can loose this extra 38-ish pounds before next summer. I'd LOVE to wear a bikini ;-)

Weight Loss Mission: 190!

So last time, I said I haen't lost any extra weight. I was 192 for about 2 weeks in a row. Not sure why but it is what it is.

This week (on Monday) I'm 190! Woo Hoo!

Last week, I was saving up my points to go to a karaoke bar on Saturday. Alcohol = points and apparently my favorite drink, and Adios... is like somewhere around 10 or 12 points each! So I had about 13 points left over for myself but I also had TWO drinks. So I guess I went over my points. But I must have sung all those calories out cuz I still lost another TWO pounds!

This week has been good so far. I actually had so many points left over yesterday that I was able to have some dark chocolate from Trader Joe's! YUM! Im such a chocoholic.

I should TECHNICALLY have 36 points for the day, but I think I'm going to go down to 33 because I'm taking away 1 for the weight loss and then another 2 for breastfeeding. Im substituting the bottle like maybe, once a day (on average) so I think I can afford to take away some more points. I am still MOSTLY breastfeeding, so I cant take away all those 'breastfeeding' points.

I'm also going to be starting that workout video thing.. I think it's called P90-X or whatever. Hopefully it will help since I cant go jogging. No running shoes and no jogging stroller >_<

Weight Loss Mission: Slightly Disappointed



That was a pic of me from Tuesday 7.12.11. I took it like, 30 minutes before posting this blog. LoL.

So apparently, as of Monday the 11th, I haven't lost any NEW weight. I'm still 192 (down 8 pounds from where I started) so it's a little disappointing. But at least I haven't GAINED any weight. That would totally suck!

There's one weird thing though.. on Friday, I weighed myself and I was 190(down 10 pounds!). Then I think the weekend happened and I just didnt do well. I wasn't home so I couldn't count my points. I had some ice cream I probably shouldn't have had. And on Sunday, I had some lasagna... Not a lot, but I'm sure it was still a good amount of points with all the cheese and crap. I don't even LIKE lasagna!

Well, this week WILL be better! I'm not gonna really be home this weekend either, but I WILL be counting my points as best I can and keeping a Weight Watchers food points list on my husbands Smart Phone so no matter what I eat, I can find it and count it.

Should I count the alcohol I'm gonna be having at the bar on Saturday though? Thoughts WELCOME! :)

Weight Loss Mission: 4th of July Weekend

See this picture of me? See those white pants I'm wearing? I couldn't fit them a MONTH ago. I'm tellin you, I love those pants and I'm so happy I can fit into them again! I do hope that some day, they will be too big for me ;-)

But as of Monday (July 4th) I have lost a total of 8 pounds! Woo Hoo! This fourth of July weekend was pretty tought though...

Saturday I went to a BBQ over in Richmond, CA with my family. The food was great but it was definately not weight loss friendly. LoL. There was macroni and cheese (with bacon in it), BBQ chicken, ribs, cake, blow pop martini's... and a whole lot of other yummy stuff.

To stay as good as I could with my weight loss mission, I had a small protion of two different types of mac & cheese and 3 chicken legs (the last one was later in the party). I also had 1 bite of Rice Krispy treat and like 2 bites of my own Peach Cobbler. I think I did a pretty good job with my options!

Saturday and Sunday we were in San Francisco so I wasn't able to count my points barely at all, so I just had to rely on my memory and just picking out what foods were best and portioning them out small.

So as of Monday July 4th, I am now 192 pounds! I am 8 pounds lighter and I am feeling great!

I have a karaoke bar to go to for a birthday party on the 16th and I'm hoping to look sexy for it! I'm confident enough in myself that I will look as best as I can be. It gives me an excuse to shop for a new dress. Haha!

Weight Loss Mission: GOING! GOING! GONE!!!

Hey everyone! I <3 my scale!

This past week was a little difficult, but still good.

Tueday (6-21-11) we went to San Francisco. I had some drinks and got a little drunk for the first time in over a year and half! It was fun. But I couldnt really count my points. I DID however pick the healthiest "snacks" at the bar. I don't think I went over my points.

Friday (6-24-11) evening we went out and I had some chips and salsa. I wasn't sure how many points it was, so I just ate very minimal. I got home a searched it up, wrote it down, and I still had points left over for the day! :)

Saturday (6-25-11) I went to the San Francisco Birth and Baby Fair. We had to leave early so I just had a 6 point bowl of cereal and I didnt eat again until like, 2pm. I wanted to, its just that the fair didn't have any healthy options. Just pies and fried stuff. I was starving! So I got a turkey sandwich at Safeway.

We also went to my mother's that day and she cooked some home made chilli and garlic bread and even a chocolate cake. I knew I had A LOT of points left over, so I has a small piece of cake. Even though I didn't really know how many points I had, I still felt good about the amount of food I ate that day.

Sunday (6-26-11) We were away from home as well. We had to leave early for San Francisco and I didnt eat breakfast until about 11am. I went out with my father-in-law and had about a 12 point breakfast. Once again, I couldn't look up exactly how many points I was eating, but 12 IS a lot. Most of the time, my breakfast its like 6-9 points...WITH COFFEE. I didnt eat much during the day and it was hard for me to find healthy LOW POINT things to eat. For dinner I had a burrito with beans, rice, and steak on a whole wheat tortilla. I looked it up and it said it was about 8 points for that, but just incase, I had 16 points left over before the burrito and I just didnt eat anything after.

So I COULD have had "rollover" points, and I could have not. Im not 100% sure. It's hard eating out and counting points. When you make your own food, it's easier because you know exactly what's going in it and you can control how healthy it is. I tried to order egg whites with breakfast on Sunday, but the restaurant didnt have it, so I had to eat regular eggs which is MORE points.

But I did weigh myself this morning..... GOOD NEWS!!!

Im down 6 pounds all together!

My current weight it now 194!

I'm really proud of myself. Even though it's easy to give into temptation and to just say "screw it!", I'm not gonna do it. The feeling of seeing myself weigh less every week is a much better high than I get from eating pizza, cheesburgers, or cookies.

It's all worth it!

Weight Loss Mission: Jessy Exposed!

Hey everyone. So I guess today is the day I DID say I would tell the world what my weight number is... I'm a little nervous so be gentle. LoL.

There are 3 different responses I'm expecting...

1) You're really brave/awesome/cool to say this aloud. Not many people have the guts like you do.
2) Who cares? Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
3) Wow, how the fuck did you let yourself get like that? HAHAHAHA!

Response to #1: Thank you so much for suppoting me. You're a true friend and I really appreciate it :)
Response to #2: It's a big deal because I always told myself that I would never get to this weight. I'm slightly embarrassed about it, but at least I'm doing something about it. It CAN be a big deal in a marriage and I don't want it to be anymore.
Response to #3: FUCK YOU! You're most likely one of the people in this world who has some serious self-esteem issues that YOU need to work out. So instead of making yourself feel better by trying to make me feel like shit, Focus on YOURSELF and stop reading my updates.

So here it is... I started this journey off at...
200lbs.

I weighed myself yesterday (5 days after I started my weight loss) an I now am...
198lbs.

THATS 2 POUNDS LOST! :-D

I feel so amazingly great, physically and mentally. I was feeling so sad for a while, but now I feel almost like a different person. My body and mind already feel better. I can't wait till I start REALLY looking better.

I'm happy to say GOODBYE to 200 and I'm on my way to saying HELLO to 130. I'm so proud of myself. I truly am. This is all for ME and nobody else. And I want it soooo bad! I cant wait till next summer. Maybe you'll see a picture of me in a bikini ;-)

Day 3 (6.16.11) of Weight Loss Mission

They say that when quiting a bad habit, the first three days are the hardest. My bad habit was over eating and I'm now eating about half as much as I was eating before. I can see how I got so big. LoL. But that's okay. I've realized that even if I dont loose a TON of weight, that I'll be happy being healthy and knowing that I'm not such a gluton! HaHa!

I've felt pretty good. I'm actually feeling phsyically and mentally better. It's weird.

This will be my last blog entry until Monday when I let thee world know my "number". I've told Brandon already. He's the only one that knows. I was SO scared to tell him. I'm not proud of myself for being this weight but I am proud of the fact that I'm owning up to it and deciding to change it. So I think it'll easier for me to admit if to the world on Monday now. I felt SO much better after I told him. It was like a HUGE chain was lifted off of me.

Yesterday food...

FOOD                                        POINTS
                                                      37
2 Pieces French Toast                   - 7
Syrup and blueberries                    - 1
                                                     29pts.
1 cup coffee w/ milk                     - 1
                                                     28pts.
1/2 cup frozen yogurt                   - 2
Small brownie                              - 3
                                                     22pts.
1 cup brown rice                         - 4
brocolli                                        - 0
green beans                                 - 0
chicken                                       - 3
1/4 cup teriyaki sauce                  - 1
                                                   14pts.
2 cups rice Krispy's                    - 4
1 cup (2%) milk                         - 3
                                                  7pts.
1 cup frozen yogurt                    - 4
Small brownie (the other half)     - 3
                                                  0pts.

Haha it was hot yesterday so I had some frozen yogurt :) And can you tell I like Rice Krispy's? HaHa! They're low calorie and low fat. YAY!

YUMMY! YUMMY! YUMMY!

Day 2 of Weight Loss (6.15.11)

Yesterday was a GREAT day!

I had a good breakfast.

I was out of the house for a few hours so I wasn't noticing my hunger much.

I've noticed that when I'm at home, I tend to eat more. Is it like that with everybody?

Well anyways, here's my food from yesterday :)

FOOD                                   POINTS
                                                37
3 egg whites                             - 1
2 bacon                                   - 2
High Fiber toast w/ butter        - 3
1 banana                                 - 2
                                               29pts.
2 cups rice krispys                  - 4
1 cup (2%) milk                      - 3
                                              22pts.
1 1/2 cups brown rice            - 6
4+ ounces baked chicken       - 3
Mushrooms                           - 0
Green Breans                        - 0
Baby carrots                         - 0
1/4 cup Teriyaki sauce          - 1 

                                             12pts.

Holy cow! Can you belive I had 12 points left over?! After dinner we went to see Grease in an outside movie event, so I didn't get to indulge in any dessert. So maybe today I will and save the rest for the BBQ Sunday. I have a total of 14 "roll over" points. LoL. At the end of the week, they disappear though. They're only good for the current week.

I <3 veggies! Most of them have no points per serving and they're yummy and healthy for you!

Feelings About Day 1 (6.14.11) of my Weight Loss Mission

So day one was okay.

I was hungry but I wasn't starving.

It feels like I'm on a diet, but I dont feel it's impossible.

I was sad I couldn't have one of my home baked brownie.

I got pretty upset when Brandon decided to eat frozen yogurt and a brownie right in front of me. But I realized that I need to get used to it because there are going to be people around me who are eating things I can't eat right now. But he also needs to be supportive and understand how much of a chocoholic I am. And he does. But chocolate is my weakness. Im suprised (yet proud of myself) that I didn't just give in.



The Weight Watchers has given me some structure and I need that. I can't do this without a plan.

Here was my list of food and points for yesterday

Daily amount of points: 37 (I get more than normal because I'm still breastfeeding)

FOOD                                                       POINTS
2 cups oatmeal                                         - 6
1/2 apple                                                   - 1
1/4 cup dried cranberries                         - 2
                                                                28pts.
1 cup coffee with milk                              - 1
1 cup Mother's Milk Tea                        - 0
                                                                 27pts.
Two pieces bread(high fiber)                   - 2 
3 pieces bacon                                          - 3
Lettuce                                                      - 0
Tomato                                                      - 0
                                                                  22pts.
2 cups rice krispy's                                   - 4
1 cup milk                                                 - 3
                                                                   15pts.
Homemade shrimp alfredo                       -13
                                                                 2pts. Left!
Now here's my delema. Do I eat a small desert at the end of the day to finish out my points? Or should I save them for the BBQ for Father's Day this Sunday? I'm not sure what to do... HELP ME!
         

My Weight Loss Mission

Hey Everyone!

So tomorrow (June 14th, 2011) I'm going to start my weight loss mission. I have my weight watchers daily points calculated and I can find a generic food points list online. I'm going to be measuring out everything I eat and writing down everything I eat. A "food journal". I'm also going to be documenting on here pictures of myself every week so show my progress. If you would like to follow me and support me, that would be great. I could use it because I'm a little nervous. There is a LOT of weight for me to loose and I really don't want to fail.

I would also like to write here everyday to say how my day was and weather or not I felt bad about what I ate...just the daily life in losing weight. I think it will help me a lot if I do. And please, your comments are welcome.

Next week on Monday, I will be letting the world know how much I weigh NOW. Once I loose a "weeks worth or weight", I will let my details be know. Nobody knows my TRUE number right now, not even my own husband. So this is seriously a BIG step for me. I'm doing it because I never want to be this big ever again in my life(unless I'm pregnant, but even then....I still don't want to be this big). I want to get down to 130 pounds.

Wish me luck! Here's a current picture of me....

Richard Scarry's 92nd Birthday

This morning, Google switched its homepage logo over to one of a fantastical cityscape featuring mice riding motorcycles and other anthropomorphic animals peaking out from windows and managing the rescue of a second-floor cat from a burning house.

The design is meant to celebrate the 92nd birthday of famed children's book illustrator and author, Richard Scarry. Scarry passed away in Switzerland at the age of 74, but his work continues to live on in the hearts of children as their bookshelves often include at least a few volumes of the more than 300 that Scarry helped to create. As a child, I often watched The Busy World of Richard Scarry, an animated series that aired on Nickelodeon until 2000. I now have my son Brandon who is 4 1/2 and he's super into the series. He has the book "Richard Scarry's: What Do People Do All Day", "Busy World of Richard Scarry" in a DVD set with 30 full episodes, and "Richard Scarry's BUSYTOWN: Eye Found It!" Game. The game teaches kids to work together where EVERY player either wins or looses.

Scarry's first book, Two Little Miners (1949), was published in the Little Golden Books series; decades later, he would make a key move to Random House," the Washington Post notes. "His breakthrough book commercially was 1963's Best Word Book Ever, which labeled roughly 1,400 pictures." A 1989 list assembled by Publishers Weekly of the 50 bestselling hardcover books of all time included Scarry as the creator of eight, according to Brian Gillie.

Here are some links I reccommend.
"Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day" Book

"The Busy World of Richard Scarry: Everyday There's Something New" DVD

"Richard Scarry's BUSYTOWN: Eye Found It!" Game

Learning

Being a mother and wife has really tought me how to live my life to the fullest. Before I met Brandon, or had kids, I wasn't very happy with my life. Sure I was young, but I know I was only enough to know what was good and bad. Right a wrong. And what made me happy or sad.

I met my husband Brandon and he tought me how to love myself. It was really hard for me to do, and I always felt like I was fighting myself to do it, but i did. And I love myself more that I could have ever imagined growing up. I was never told I was beautiful by a guy that didnt "want something" else. I never felt respected by ANY man I had in my life. I never really had a positive role model to look up to...to talk to about sex, boys, love, puberty... nothing. I basically had to figure it out all on my own. And that didn't really lead to very many good decisions. And I never really felt apart of my family. At times I still don't, but hey, thats what being the "half-sister" gets you right? I was always the different one. I never felt like I fit in anywhere.

Then after Brandon came into my life, I was always learning about myself and our relationship, and what it meant to be TRULY loved. He tought me that it didnt matter what other people thought of me, or weather or not THEY loved me, but what really matter was what I thought of myself, and what I believed in.

After having my son in 2006, i grew so much as a person. Not only because I was forced to, but because I was a completely different person than I used to be a year before. I learned how to be positive and look at life as a whole big expierence. I took the good and bad with open arms because it's the bad expierences you learn from and are the most benificial. The good ones you just have to make sure you cherish for a life time, and you learn to appreciate the good things that come your way. It was hard to begin raising a child at 18, but I think I did better than most women my age. The cards of fate were dealt and I had to learn to play with them.

During the planning of our August 2009 wedding, we hit a speed bump in our relationship...We had almost broken up. Stress was mounting and I had no idea what to do. We weren't happy with ourselves and what we wanted for eachother and we had to figure it out. We realized that we needed to focus on ourselves (me on myself, and Brandon on himself) to be able to make eachother happy. You can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself. This was a HUGE learning expierence for me because I thought that I knew all there was to know about being in a relationship and being a mother.... I was wrong. I very quickly noticed that I wasn't taking care of myself as well as I should have and that I needed to make a change in order for my relationship with my husband AND son to be healthy as well. I also didnt know that when I truly believe in something (our love), that I will fight for it till the death. I never knew that I had that kind of power in me...In the end, it made our relationship stronger.

Being a GOOD wife is truly a hard job. It's not easy supporting your husband sometimes... I love my husband very much, but there are times where I just dont understand his decisions and I still have to support him because I love and trust him. I would never lie to him, and I think I've learned to do that without hurting his feelings. It's hard putting a smile on your face when you've had a rough day at your own part-time job AND at home with your kid. I didn't know so much pressure was put on wives being absoloutely PERFECT in everyones eyes...especially to the people who DON'T know what going on 100%. Like finances, or arguments, or just no sex for that week. A lot of my friends weren't/aren't married or have kids so it was hard for me to let out how I felt about things. In a way, its a blessing because I get to talk to my husband more about what's bothering me and how it can be fixed. It doesn't always work out the way I planned, but hey, thats the learned expierence. I'm STILL learning how to talk to my husband so he won't get mad when I tell him that he's not cuddling me enough, or that he hasn't helped out with the kids that day. And he's still learning how to respond to accusations I make about him. Marriage is WORK! No doubt about it. And I don't think it's something I'll ever figure out 100%, but I look forward to the challanges and experiences it will bring me.

I hope I will always be learning about myself, my husband, and my kids for the rest of my life. Sadly, I will never know everything.

Jessy's Delicious Fudge Brownies Recipe.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

Ingredients:
- 5oz. DARK Chocolate
- 1 stick unsalted butter
- 1/4 cup cocoa powder
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- Pinch of salt
- 2 large eggs
- 1/2 cup flour

1) Grease or butter the bottom and sides of a 9in. square baking pan

2) Melt the dark chocolate and butter together in a heat proof bowl on top of boiling water. Stir until just smooth

3) Remove from heat and whisk in the cocoa powder, sugar, and salt. Whisk in the eggs and then then flour until incorporated.

4) Pour batter evenly in prepared baking pan

5) Cook for 25-35 minutes (depending on your oven.) Brownies are done when knife inserted into center comes out clean.